Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Insecurities and Bad Art

Ever have one of these days?

Last week I had like 3 in a row. It was ruuuulll pathetic. And funny. Because I drew this without thinking while I was on a conference call with an angry woman from Texas and it looks like I'm throwing up cooking utensils. I suck at art. But honestly, who cares if I am still a little chunky? I’m getting there. I am strong and I am healthy because every morning I wake up and ask God to help me be strong and healthy. After so many days at the beginning of this year waking up feeling like I wasn't going to make it, I can't stop thanking God for the healing He has provided. What more could I ask for? It's too easy to spend time complaining about how you will never look good in a two-piece bathing suit or that your arms will always be a little flabby. What you do need, is to be healthy. You owe yourself that. I also want to be clear that that isn't an excuse to say to yourself, "It's ok that I'm 40lbs+ overweight. I workout once a week and I eat vegetables a lot". I've been there too. Telling myself it's ok that I was 40lbs overweight because I ran a half marathon which obviously means I'm healthy (NOT). I was extremely unhealthy, physically and emotionally. So I say with caution, healthy doesn't always mean skinny. We have to be honest with ourselves. The Bible talks about having a "fair estimation of yourself" in Romans 12:3 and this is what I am working on. You are not less than anything God would create but you are not God himself. Find a balance in the truth that you are His and then take great care to preserve that. 
I think some of my crazy insecurity issues snuck up quickly was because last week I  had someone I barely know say, “wow, I thought you were paleo? You can’t eat that!!!” and another person ask me how come I've only lost 2 pounds this month ….While they were stuffing their mouth with Doritos. I'm working on being confident in my choices and not letting negative people get to me.  So I want to define a couple of things for all you new to Paleo or people who have never heard of it. Sidenote: there were like 12 incidents where I couldn’t remember certain words to make sentences this past week at work and I think 78% of people in my office lost confidence in my ability to express thoughts into words, so defining things for you will be interesting. March has been long. Very long with little sleep. 

My last blog post I had stated that you don’t have to be a “Paleo” to eat paleo meals. This time, I want to explain that even though I say I follow the paleo diet, I, along with most other “paleos”, have a 85%/15% rule which was part of the original paleo diet plan created by a doctor. This means that you are paleo 85% of the time and NOT 15% of the time. I give major props to people that can do it 100% of the time but that isn’t realistic for me and isn’t what I want for my life. I'm in this for the long-haul. Which can be overwhelming if you don't let yourself find a balance. 

This is real. I make mistakes. I forget to do food prep and then cheat because its convenient. Or someone throws out my smoothie ingredients in the fridge at work. Now I’m eating plantain chips and little grape tomatoes for lunch today. Thanks guys, not like I’m bitter or anything.  I’d rather do my best and be able to share honestly with you all than say I'm Superpaleowoman and hide the fact that I eat naughty foods sometimes. There is no point in that. I’m all about the honesty. I’m all about getting HEALTHY and losing weight will come with that. It is coming... just slowly. For me it just takes longer than others who do not deal with the conditions that I have. My metabolism is kind of a joke.

 We have to be able to talk to each other about the struggles and difficulties so we can be failures together sometimes!! I no longer consider myself a failure when I cheat once or twice a week. I consider myself a failure when I binge and feel the need to lie about it. Luckily I haven’t had that in a while. I was sick like a month ago and ate a whole box of ritz crackers and 4 cans of progresso soup over like 3 days. It was pretty terrible. I’m also an emotional eater and seem to be doing better emotionally since paleo.  

I usually stick to gluten-free even when I cheat but sometimes not even that! It’s called enjoying life. I am still not 100% sure if I am gluten-intolerant or not, but I’m in the works of testing that. I know I’m definitely allergic to dairy to some extent. Which is so, so depressing. But then I think about the fact that chocolate isn’t dairy. So, so not depressing!!   

Understand that being on the paleo diet or “living the lifestyle” (a phrase that annoys the crap out of me for some reason) does not mean you never get to eat anything else ever again. Basically you are training your body to crave the right foods so that foods that aren’t good for you can be considered a rarity or treat. If you are expecting me to never eat cheese again, you will be sorely disappointed. Cheese = happiness and I look forward to the glorious day when I can have cheese again. Maybe next week!  This blog is not here for me to show off or tell you how great I eat. I want to give other people inspiration and tips so they can experience the same joy and healing that I have found!!

I will say that since changing my diet a couple months ago and being more radical about paleo (something I used to do crazy strict for a week and then would binge the next), some of my symptoms related to my thyroid disease and PCOS have really been decreasing. I do see little flare ups when I spend a weekend eating a piece of pie on pi day and a s’more at a beach bonfire… not like I did that or anything. Just kidding. I totally did and it was amazeballs. I also ate like 3 containers of grape tomatoes, 2 containers of strawberries, 2 bunches of kale, 3 bell peppers, brussel sprouts, spaghetti squash, all kinds of chicken, turkey and chicken sausage, lots of carrots, chia seed pudding every day and so much more. So if you are going to judge me for not only eating things that are green, please also remember that you don’t see me on a day to day basis.
I 100% understand that by putting my blog out there, I am asking for some sort of accountability. I am begging for it actually! I expect some people to think I'm trying to be perfect and thinking I'm some role model others should look up to. That's just not the purpose of this blog. In fact, I find those blogs extremely frustrating and then I laugh and say "yeah, I really see you in the kitchen all day in that outfit, cooking all that food, looking like that, with your 4 children patiently helping you cook for the big meal for your perfect husband to come home to."  Yesterday I was explaining to my roommate that I ate the pie and I said, "oh well, it doesn't matter" and she said "Yes! It does matter! You have a blog". I loved that. It wasn't a jab... it was a reminder that my decisions matter for myself and matter because I'm putting myself out there on the internet. Just an added little boost to keep working hard so I can keep giving others advice. 

But seriously, look at this pie that my friend Brian made for Pi Day… How could you not eat this? It tasted as good as it looks. He’s single, ladies.

And don't forget to take time every day to thank God for chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. 

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